“Ask Christiane” is an advice column where you can ask questions about dating, friendships, mental health and sex. Questions can be submitted through the “Ask Christiane” Google form on the University Times Instagram page @csulauniversitytimes, or to [email protected] with the subject line “Ask Christiane.”
Questions have been edited for length and clarity.
Why do all women that I meet always look for sex and not love?
We are in an age where individuals may not know what they seek. Being in college when hookup culture is extensive, not everyone may have the same intentions as you. It’s best to make your needs heard and valued to avoid heartache. Depending on the situation, it is best to have strong communication.
Dr. Pamela Regan, a professor of psychology at Cal State LA, specializes in the aspects of sexual and romantic attraction.
“Science also tells us that social norms are changing and that young adults now have greater sexual freedom than in earlier generations, and that seeking sexual experience before “settling down” is becoming both more accepted and more common,” she said.
Regan has written more than one hundred articles on love, sex and attraction, and teaches about human sexuality in the psychology department. She has also written many books, including “Human Sexuality” and “Lust: What We Know About Human Sexual Desire.”
Something similar happened to me recently. I was talking to an older gentleman who asked and told me what he was looking for before meeting, and our needs didn’t match up. Thus, it saved me the time and energy of going on a date.
I’m currently talking to this guy, and we’ve already gone on multiple dates. What do I do when he hasn’t been responding to my texts? For added context, I can confirm he’s really bad at replying to anyone, including his family.
You should talk to him about it and be straightforward about your feelings. He may not be a texter, but texting back doesn’t take much time. As a notoriously lousy texter, I make phone calls or reassure the individual that I am not good at replying, and I may text them back later if I am busy. You should communicate your feelings and suggest alternative methods such as phone calls or Facetime.
Is it bad to mess around with guys when I just barely broke up with my boyfriend?
It is different for every person and every situation. If you have had a rocky relationship and are ready to put yourself out there, I see nothing wrong with it. However, have you allowed time to heal mentally and physically from the relationship? If you don’t give yourself time, it may cause looming feelings.
Montebello-based marriage and family therapist Jessica Qurioz shared the few things an individual should ask themselves when ready to move on.
“Are you doing this because you’re genuinely interested, or are you trying to fill a void? There’s nothing inherently bad about exploring, but if you’re emotionally raw, it might lead to more confusion,” she said.
Qurioz is currently taking in new clients.
I gave my girlfriend an awful birthday gift (a stone frog). How can I make it up to her and also make sure I don’t give out horrible gifts in the future?
It is best to acknowledge your mistake by communicating it to her; you can apologize and tell her it was a mistake you hope not to make again. As for giving gifts to your partner, you should take note of her passions and hobbies. If she loves makeup and skin care, maybe a Sephora or Ulta gift card would be best. Gift cards are often fun and very useful, especially if you don’t know what she wants because she can get what she needs. Maybe create a list on your phone noting what she likes and brings up during conversation. It is all about the art of listening and communicating.
