“Ask Christiane” is an advice column where you can ask questions about dating, friendships, mental health and sex. Questions can be submitted through the “Ask Christiane” Google form on the University Times Instagram page @csulauniversitytimes, or to [email protected] with the subject line “Ask Christiane.”
What should I do if my friend and I are interested in the same guy?
Wow, a love triangle that will always be tricky. The primary key is honesty, communication, and a dose of self-awareness.
First, talk heart-to-heart with your friend, not in a passive-aggressive text or over the phone, and have a real conversation. You might be surprised to find that maybe she’s just not as into him as you thought, or you can both admit it’s just a mild crush and not worth the drama. If you’re both genuinely interested, you’ll need to decide together how to handle it and possibly come up with an agreement to back off. The worst thing to do is let a guy come between your friendship and agree to play fair.
What NOT to do: sneak around, play games, or assume she’ll be fine if you go for it without checking in; friends last longer than crushes and flings. The bottom line here is that crushes come and go, but a good friendship is worth holding on to.
I’ve been studying with my crush and I feel like there’s a connection between us. How should I go about exploring this further? I’ve asked him if wants to get a drink before and he’s said yes but we haven’t found the time.
We love study sessions with a side of sparks. If there’s a vibe, trust your instincts; chemistry doesn’t mean much unless it’s followed by effort. Since he said yes to the drink, that’s a green light; however, the fact that it hasn’t happened yet means it’s time to be a little more direct. Not aggressive, just clear.
Life as a student can get busy; sometimes plans can fall through. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a lack of interest. When studying together, you can share or ask about something non-school-related, like your interests, or even share a personal story. If he engages and is curious, that’s a good sign.
You can try something like: “Hey, I still owe you that drink, what’s your schedule like this week?” That puts the ball in his court and shows you’re interested without overdoing it. And if he continues to be vague or noncommittal? That’s your answer, too. Never chase; if he steps up it’s meant to be. Enjoy that drink and see where things go.
Either way, you win because you’re putting yourself out there with confidence? Major character energy.
I’ve liked a guy I met through my brother—we’ve hung out a lot and get along well, but we only hang out with my brother there as well. And now I don’t see him much since my brother moved away. I want to reconnect and maybe see if there’s potential, but I’m nervous to make the first move. How can I ask him to hang out one on one without it being awkward?
A secret crush that’s built on actual hangouts and friendship? You’ve already started strong. Here’s the thing: asking someone to hang out one-on-one doesn’t have to be a big, dramatic “confess your love” moment. It can be chill, casual, and still flirty. You can try something like,
“We haven’t caught up in a while, would you be down to grab a drink?”
That keeps it low-key while making it clear you’re reaching out intentionally. The vibe says, “I like spending time with you,” without immediately putting all your feelings on the table.
It’s okay to be nervous; that means you care, and it’s a natural reaction. However, don’t let that stop you from reaching out. The worst that can happen is that he may not be available or interested. What’s the best that happens? You get to spend more time together.
Situationships are everywhere, and while some people seem happy in them, others are clearly stressed by the ambiguity. What’s the best way for both people in a situationship to get clarity without the dreaded ‘what are we?’ conversation?
Situationships can be rough, especially if you’re looking for more while dating. It’s like vibes with no vision, chemistry without commitment, and intimacy with an expiration date you don’t know about.
Some people genuinely enjoy the no-label, and no strings attached freedom. However, if you are losing sleep wondering if you’re their “almost” or their “eventually,” it’s time for a clarity check. Some ways to approach the subject can be asking ““Hey, I’ve been thinking about how we’re spending time together, how are you feeling about it all?” and “What do you think this is turning into?”
You deserve more than getting strung along, mixed signals, and guessing games. This isn’t an escape room. If they want to be in your life, they can show up like a main character, and not a recurring guest star.
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This article was first published in the April 25 print edition of the University Times.
